Sleep Walking

Bizkit, the Sleepwalking Dog @ Yahoo! Video

I start back to Crossfit tomorrow and a feel a little like this dog. I am ready to take off running, but I am not exactly sure where I am going. We will see tomorrow how I feel after a day back. We will start slow (probably for a while) till I wake up again.

Scared

So I got cleared from the doctor. I will start (slowly) back at Crossfit Omaha next week. Yes! Joe wants me to do a couple of one on ones to get started back in. I agree with him. I feel like I am starting all over again. I feel like I let myself down. I gained most of my weight back and haven't been doing much physically. I have those butterflies in my stomach (not that it is bad to have them) and I am curious how the new back will handle it. The major difference between my first time in Crossfit and this next week is that last time I didn't know what I was getting into. I know how much work, sweat, pain, and soreness is coming. I know that the mental part is just as hard as the physical. I know that there are very supportive people there and that my worst critic will be myself. I am as excited as hell, but I am also scared to death!

Need More Planning

Things have been going relatively well the last two days. I had been doing well with the Zone until tonight. We had a breakdown (already) and went out to eat. I attribute this one to poor planning. I knew this would happen. I just didn't think it would be this soon. We will try to pick it back up in the morning hopefully, but it is a weekend and that is where we are most vulnerable.
I haven't started working out yet. We planned on going to a gym so I could find a bike, but that fell through. I suppose it is just as well because the diet has been a major adjustment.
For Christmas I got the kids (see picture if you think that is true) Guitar Hero World Tour. It has been a hoot with the adults and will be part of a future party I am sure.

Starting Over

I took my first step yesterday to begin again reaching my weight loss and fitness goals. I started the Zone Diet. As I write this I have finished 2 full days (which is a record). Mary and I tried it once before, but we didn't make it past the first day. Also as I write this I am smelling pizza that my workplace provided for a safety reward. I can tell you that I have a long road ahead.

Yesterday I suffered. Anytime I cut out caffeine and sugary carbs (two things I have had quite frequently in the last month and a half) I get severe headaches. I get a hangover just like any other drug. Usually it is a good enough reason to avoid those two things, but once I start I feel cravings ALL THE TIME. I think I am over that now so we will see how the Zone really works. I have read that the first few days are a cleansing so I hope I am good now.

This time around I am going full into Crossfit. Since I can't do Crossfit yet I am going to work on diet first. That way I don't get too much too soon. Like I said before Mary and I have tried this before, but not whole heartily. This time we have bought in and will see how it works. It definitely takes a lot more planning and work so I expect to see better results. I am also curious to see how it will work with Crossfit. I am one of those types that reserves judgement until I have tried. That is what I am doing now.

This picture is one of my recent favorites. These are the Gill men. Pictured with me are my brothers (Rob and John) my son (Matthew) and my nephew (Jack). These are all the men in the Gill clan. (I know what you are thinking and yes there is a problem with glare;)

Patience

I hope to get more time for updates now that the holidays are over. I went to the doctor on Thursday for my post surgery update. I was looking forward to it because I was hoping for good news and am ready to get back to work and working out. She cleared me for work, but with restrictions. I am not to lift over 15 pounds, not to bend or stoop. As far as exercise, she continued, I can ride a bike but nothing aerobic. I asked her what that means and she said absolutely no jogging, running or weight lifting. I asked about the rower (cause I knew Ricky and Joe were planning on starting there) and after some thought she said no. It might tweak my back.

Here comes the decision that eats me alive. I know I desperately need to get back to Crossfit. I have started to back track. I have gained some weight back and I feel like crap. I obviously don't have the self discipline without someone either pushing me or watching me. I feel great and believe the doctor has a little CYA. I also know that there is the potential to make things worse. I know that I want to push myself. I was just getting to the place where I was feeling good about what I was doing.

It is a total emotion vs logic struggle, but this time I will go with logic. I want to see how far I can push myself, but I don't want to keep struggling to recover from back trouble. I will wait and will do it right. I will start with basics and get good fundamentals. This will be excruciating since there are so many amazing athletes at CFO but I will bide my time and do it right. I see the doctor on Feb 20th and hope that I will get a full release. In the meantime I will bite my tongue and see what happens.

FYI the video is of me bungee jumping at the state fair way back in '94. I only look a little younger ;) I apologize for the sound, but it is an old tape. I would love to do it again someday, but it will take a little patience.

Still Alive

I know, I know. People have been asking how I am doing and it is obvious that I haven't posted for a while. I have no excuse except for severe laziness. By extreme laziness I mean I haven't been doing S#!T. Before the surgery I didn't feel like doing much (it was a combination of my back/leg and laziness). Immediately after the surgery I felt great. The doctor told me not to be a hero and to take the pain medication as needed. The first two days I did (mainly because Mary keep telling me I needed to). I don't think I needed it though. I felt an instant difference from before. I am happy with the results.

The problem comes now in the doctor's instructions. Now that I feel great I can't do ANYTHING. I can't drive, I can't bend over, I can't lift anything over 5 pounds, I can't do any physical activities and I can't sit for more that 15 mins at a time. I also can't go to work due to the no long sitting. It has come as a good excuse to avoid any house work, but has created a great amount of boredom. I have three guardians (Mary and the kids) who are constantly watching and reminding me. I love them and know they are right, but sometimes...

Exactly one week after the surgery I helped (a little) to clean up the house. Not much, but I felt it that night. The doctor told me that most people feel so good that they end up getting hurt by over doing it. I understand what she means now. So I will follow instructions as best I can.

I did sneak over to Crossfit Omaha a couple of times and it was great to see everyone there. It is so nice to know there are people that are sincerely worried about you. I got to talk to Joe and Ricky and we talked a little about what it is going to be like when I get back I am looking so forward to get back to doing SOMETHING.

I wish I could say that I have been doing well on the diet and weight loss, but I have fallen off the wagon. I have put back on somewhere between 10 to 15 pounds. I also wish I could say it was exercise only, but I have been eating like crap. The holidays combined with a "I don't give a crap" attitude have hurt me and will haunt me when I get back. It isn't over yet, with Christmas this next week. I go back to the doctor on January 8th and I guarantee the next place I will go is Crossfit. Even if I can only walk around the gym for a workout I will be there.

BTW before the surgery we had our bi-annual family tailgate at the Nebraska vs. Colorado football game. As usual it was one of the highlights of the year (not to mention it was one of the best Husker finishes ever). I am so lucky to have in-laws which are so much fun. My father-in-law is closer to me than my father ever was and I love my brothers-in-law. For those of you that didn't come you missed it.

Rough Times

I know it has been a while since I posted, but it has been a rough time. I don't want to whine and want to keep this blog positive, but I better let people know where I am. Right before Halloween I was doing great. On Wednesday I was feeling a little sore (in my back) but no big deal. By Wednesday night it was starting to hurt so I decided to go to the chiropractor on Thursday (Halloween).
That afternoon we went to the kid's school for the Halloween parade. We had to walk 2 or 3 blocks away. The walk to the school was hurting me. The walk back almost brought me to tears. My leg started hurting from my butt to my foot, but it was the feeling that my foot was asleep that had me scared. I called the doctor right away and scheduled an appointment for the next day. Halloween night was a blast with the kids and my brother came with his two kids and Mary's friend brought her kid a lot of fun.
The next morning the doctor said I should get an MRI because the numbness made him nervous as well. He told me I could not do any "extreme weightlifting" (he meant no crossfit). That obvious to me because I knew I was in no shape for that. However, I started what I would consider a dark time for me. I don't know if I felt sorry for myself, but I started to lose hope. I questioned if I would be able to go back to Crossfit or if I could how long would it be.
The doctor gave me some pain meds and some anti-inflammatories, and muscle relaxers. That night I took enough to function and went to Crossfit Omaha's Halloween Party with Mary. We went as Hugh Heffner and one of the bunnies. The twist was that I was the bunny. I won't put any pictures up because it was truly disturbing. However, I did win first place for guy's costume. I had fun, but inside I was upset that I couldn't do crossfit for a while.
The MRI was the next week and showed that I have a "significant" herniated disc between L4 and L5 Vertebrae. That's what they told me. I talked to the Physical Therapist and he said that we would probably be doing plenty of PT and I might be getting epidural injections, but probably wouldn't need surgery. Just a lot of time. Neither of us had seen the MRI yet, but I was scheduled to see the Neurologist the next day.
At the Neurologist office I was shown pictures of my MRI by the doctor's PA. It was obvious how bad the herniated disc is. I also was shown I have two more bulging discs. I was told I could wait to see if it healed itself, but most likely would not. I could get the epidural to help with pain, but it would not help heal the nerves. My third option was surgery. If the other two options failed and I opted for surgery then time was against me. People that wait 3 to 6 months to do the surgery have a much greater possibility of permanent nerve damage. She suggested surgery.
To me this was a death sentence. I would be done with Crossfit altogether and would be doomed to a lifetime of back trouble. The blues I was already feeling almost made me cry. I had been on my dead ass for 15 years and now that I wanted to do something I was forced out by something beyond my control. When the Neurologist came in she told me pretty much what the PA had. She talked about the surgery like it was no big deal. I would be off work for 2-3 weeks minimum and could do the surgery as soon as next week. It would be outpatient and I would walk right out. She asked if I had any questions and of course in my mind I only had one, would I ever do Crossfit again. She said I would be back to normal activities the first week and back to "weightlifting" in two or three months. It was like a lead weight was lifted off of me. There was light again. However I know it will not be easy. I just have to do it.
I always question what people tell me so i looked it up on the Internet. I won't bore you with the surgery, but I did find this link:
http://www.spine-health.com/treatment/back-surgery/microdiscectomy-microdecompression-spine-surgery
I am hoping everything goes well and I plan to be back in the saddle soon. The surgery is scheduled for Dec 5. We will see what happens. I already feel like a slug and every fiber of me wants to go workout. I saw Ricky and some of the gang at Crossfit Omaha this morning and it was eating at me to be there. I never thought I would feel like this, but it isn't a bad thing. By the way the picture is of Mary and I at the Nebraska vs Baylor game. It was the first time just the two of us went to a game in 2 years. It was great.